This past week I’ve lost my Zen, so to speak. I work as a frozen food manager, and it’s the first of the month. I also have pretty bad social anxiety. To put it mildly, it wasn’t a good week for me. I found myself despising the people shopping the store: the noise they make and their very presence. I mentally called them morons, idiots, inconsiderate, unaware, selfish, and various swears as my anxiety kicked up and my social energy collapsed.
It’s an old habit I fight against. I can only take crowds in small doses ( as in 7 people at most doses).
It was a clear night on Thursday. The shopping carts squealed as I collected them from the parking lot at the end of my shift. As usual I was silently raging about how lazy and inconsiderate people are for leaving so many carts around. True, yes but not worthy of raging. I happened to glance at the full moon during my silent tirade.
Immediately I saw how small I was in relation to the moon and the earth. I saw how small the earth was in relation to the sun. I even saw how small the entire solar system was to the Milky Way, and how small the Milky Way was in light of the universe. I was smaller than an atom in the scope of the Universe. All the petty grievances I have about people’s laziness and inconsideration melted under the moon light. I, and everyone else, are but a very small part of the grand reality.
The poor mindset that leads people to leave carts everywhere, and me to silently rage struck me as silly. People will continue to be lazy and inconsiderate; I will continue to be inconsiderate with my silent tirades. It was just life at work on this very small blue atom. Life was just doing the best it could. Everyone is human and doing the best we can.
My mind quieted. The raging turned into a self deprecating laugh. I was being silly.
I smiled up at the moon and bowed my head at her wisdom.