From everything I’ve seen, I’ve come to one major conclusion about relationships: romantic, platonic, or otherwise. All relationships involve a decision. I think that in large part relationships are voluntary. Certainly you can’t pick your family, but the bulk of your relationships are your own choices, even if it isn’t a conscious one. For example my friends and I sort of just started hanging out at one point…nobody can really remember HOW exactly things got started we just know they did. I don’t think that it just happened, though. I believe there was a decision there at some point, a type of commitment whether spoken or not. The same idea goes for romantic relationships. You pick who it is you date. Even if they pick you first, you have to choose to respond favorably. They can’t have a relationship with you without your consent! The same goes for poisonous people. At some point the drama queen or the moocher or the succubus came to you and you let them into your life. It may not have been conscious but somewhere a decision was made.
I think a lot of people have a ‘take what I can get’ mentality when it comes to dating. I know I used to. You feel like you have little chance of finding ‘true love’ and will take the first person to walk by who is a member of your preferred gender and has a pulse. You feel you are incomplete in yourself and you seek someone else, anyone else, who can maybe fill that void. To start you finally feel happy. This is it! It’s The One! Gradually though the newness wears thin. The little things; they begin to get to you. You get annoyed, then irritated, then aggravated. You begin to wonder why you began to date the person in the first place. They are nothing but trouble! So it ends, and you are single again. You enjoy your independence for a little while, but then once again, the void within begins gnawing at your consciousness. Once again, you long for someone to fill that void. And the cycle begins again. On and on.
Thinking that way is selling yourself short, my friends. It is your life and your body. You should not let just anyone close just to alleviate feelings of loneliness and self loathing. You deserve much better. If you feel that way, take time to reflect upon your values and what you truly want out of life. Look deeply. All that we need is already there within. Happiness is there. Peace is there. It’s a matter of seeing them.
I am not saying you should not get involved in romantic relationships. They can be wonderful if you have the correct mindset about them. What I am saying is you don’t HAVE to be in a relationship. There is no law saying you’re a horrible person if you don’t have a boyfriend or a girlfriend. You can be a happy, healthy, and whole individual single.
When you begin to see the value within, a curious thing happens. You begin to appreciate people not for what they can do for you, but for who they are. When you need someone, that need consumes you, and in turn you consume that other person. But when you are whole, you can be fully in the moment with the person you are dating. When you are not caught up in thoughts of your needs or lusts or inferiorities you can actually BE with the person you are out with. And since now you do not need them to fill a void within, you will be able to see clearly if the person is healthy or poisonous for you. Then you can make a choice as to whether this person is someone who you should spend your time with or not.
Who you are friends with and who you fall in love with is YOUR choice. I don’t know about you, but I find this idea empowering. I am not blown about by the whims of others. My life is my own and I choose who can come close and who cannot. The same goes for you dear reader. Choose well.