Liquid Footprints

The Difference of Similarity

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The differences between the sexes is mostly in the mind.Pop culture has long thought men are from Mars and women from Venus. Men and women are just so different that they can never completely understand each other. Well, men can never understand women. Women have always understood men as pop culture extols.

It’s just  bunch of nonsense.

Men and women share more in common than they differ. Granted, the physical make ups are different along with hormonal differences. However when it comes to the mind the sexes only differ in two key areas. Those differences actually compliment each other, but before we get into that let’s examine the similarities.

Men and women feel emotions with the same intensity. The supposed difference in emotion between the genders is due to societal pressures.  Women are raised to be expressive with emotions; guys are raised to believe emotions are a weakness to hide. Despite people’s beliefs, males are just as concerned with the mind and personality of their love interests as women. If you missed it, I am differentiating sex from love. Men desire the same qualities of mind that women do, but men are socialized to not express this openly. Males are supposed to be strong and sexually assertive, not vulnerable and passive. Obviously I really can’t speak much about female socialization as a male.  Anyway, both men and women share the commonality of suffering, monthly hormone cycles, family and work pressures, and a spectrum of interests. Most men want to be excellent fathers just as women want to be mothers. Men, like women, want to be cared for and accepted as they are.

I admit that thanks to socialization many men have problems accepting women as they are.

Ok, this is all very obvious. I mean men and women are people so of course they share so much in common. So just why don’t the sexes seem to understand each other?  The main reason are because of the 2 key differences between the genders.

  1. Men need “rock time.” Women need “circle time.”
  2. Men act. Women discuss.

That’s it. Those are the source of gender conflict and misunderstanding. Ok, it’s really not that simple.

Men need “rock time.” Men evolved as a hunter. As such, we are territorial and surveyors by nature. Has a guy in your life ever seem extremely irritable when he comes home from work and is immediately drawn into a conversation about how her day was or this or that problem? Guys have to have time alone to “survey” their territory and decompress after a day of work or being social. Today, rock time usually consists of watching TV with a beer or something. The male brain needs time on the rock to process the events of the day before most males are able to be receptive to women’s need for “circle time.” Guys recharge with other hunters and on the rock. Even when a guy really wants to listen and converse with his girlfriend or wife after work he often cannot without the necessary recharge. One of the worse things a wife can do is launch into her husband immediately as he enters the door after work ( of course this doesn’t necessary apply when he is the one home first).  Give him an hour of “rock time,” and he will be more receptive.

Women need “circle time.” This is the opposite of “rock time.” She needs social interaction to recharge. Women evolved to be the backbone of early human society. While the hunters were off scoring meat and sitting on rocks women were raising children, farming, gathering, building houses, and all the other things that require social interaction. Because of this, the female brain evolved to need social interaction (generally). This isn’t the say that guys don’t need social interaction. Their social needs are based upon the hunter mentality. Guys can communicate full sentences with just a nod or gesture to other guys. It is the language of the hunt. Women need verbal interaction, particularly from her mate. She needs someone to listen attentively and discuss concerns. However, she usually doesn’t want advice or solutions. She usually has the problem worked out on her own but wants input before acting.

Obviously circle and rock time can conflict with each other. Although I admit it isn’t fair, guys should their rock time (free of kids etc) before women get their circle time with a guy. The male mind is just unable to be fully receptive without it.  Or at the least, let him have the rock time before discussing another important.  I dislike how I need my rock time before I can really listen, but the mind is as it is.

The final differences are linked to rock and circle time. Men act; women discuss. Rock time is an act of surveying. Circle time is discussion. These both can be major failings for each gender in their extremes.  I am sure you know a guy who acts without ever thinking or a girl who just talks without ever acting.  The guy dies young or creates a host of problems. Often cleaned up by the women in his life. The woman never changes or solves her problems despite their fester.  Guys are angered and frustrated by women who chatter endlessly but never fix anything. Endless chatter without substance, such as a constant narrative of what is being done at each moment, is a pet peeve of mine. Women are angered and frustrated by guys who act without ever seeking input or help.

See the complimentary nature of the differences?

Women act as a stabilizer for male actions. They are the reason many men need to curb their foolish impulsive actions.  Men act as a catalyst for women’s discussions. His need to act can finally push her to do what she discussed.  Both talk and action are deficient without each other.

When it comes to relationships, guys have more to gain than women. Guys who are married have a substantial increase in life expectancy and health. Women see the same benefits but not to the same scale of increase. This is mainly because of the male need to act  and act often thoughtlessly.

There it is. Those are the only real difference between the sexes. Men and women are both from Earth. With some understanding of each others needs there isn’t a need for conflict. There is no gender war. There is only a misunderstanding about the needs of the genders. Give a guy his rock time, and notice he will be more receptive. Give a women her circle time, and she will be more caring. Realize the male desire to act and work to curb it with discussion. Realize the female desire to talk and work to curb it with action.  Balance is where peace and love are found.

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Author: Chris

Wanders the world of Japanese culture and library nerdiness.

One thought on “The Difference of Similarity

  1. Interesting. I enjoyed reading your post. 🙂

    Cheers, Niconica
    http://niconica.wordpress.com

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